The Fibro days of summer

I have had a couple rough days and have not been able to sit at my computer much less work on leveling my Shaman or Priest.  Instead, as I lay on my bed yesterday, waiting for the 1/2 Oxycodone to kick in (left over from when hubby had dental work done), I decided to try to write out something (anything) by hand.  I was just so incredibly sore and to the point where I finally gave up and was ready to try anything that would stop or at least make the pain more manageable. The Tramadol has done diddly to help with any of the pain.  So I gave up and took the good stuff.

You see, Saturday I wasn’t feeling so good but not really bad and I thought maybe a little indoor gardening was in order to chase away the blahs.   I managed to re-pot 4 smaller plants and then had my youngest help me with my biggest one.  I didn’t think it was all that much effort or that I was over doing it. It wasn’t like I was trying to hurry or anything.

Anyway, here is what I managed to write while lying in bed Sunday, please pardon my language:

Days like today really piss me off. I didn’t feel so great yesterday and it was enough to send me into one of those ‘get something done’ days. More or less, I tried to stay busy so I didn’t have time to think about how crappy I was feeling.

I didn’t go crazy or at least I didn’t think I had.  But today, I can barely write or tolerate my 15 year old.  And all it took was to repot a few plants.  That’s it, nothing major.  The biggest one my son helped me with, so it wasn’t like I did more than I could handle. But geez…really?  Repotting four plants total kicked up my Fibro enough that it’s literally kicking my ass today?  For real?  This is BS!

I stopped taking the Amytriptyline almost 2 weeks ago.  I do not like how it made me feel.  The only good thing I found that it could do was quiet my brain down  and kept it from running at 100mph or faster the minute I crawled into bed.  Other than that, it made me sleepy longer into the following day and I ended up sleeping longer than I normally would.  I also found that it made me a bit paranoid as well.  Not nutty paranoid but stupid shit that I knew better than to ever think in the first place. And the weird as hell dreams?  Ugh.

I am not depressed…I am pissed off!!  Pain makes me a cranky granny.  The worse the pain, the better chance somebody will be offended or told to go away.  Today is one of those days.  Which is why I gave in and took the Oxy and am waiting for it to kick in.

I have problems getting to sleep and staying asleep.  My husband explains it best I guess when he says that If a mice could fart I would hear it in my sleep and be instantly wide awake and looking for the little bugger.  That is no joke.  Whatever causes it, I have no clue.  All I know is, that I can go from dead on my feet to wide-the-hell-awake in an instant from anything that gets past the white noise of my fan(s).  Snoring from either my hubby or my son (from the next room no less!), passing thunderstorm(s), noisy neighbors, or even the ringing in my ears.

I just keep telling myself its only two more days…two more days.

In the mean time hubby has the other half of that Oxy ready for me for later when I am ready to go to bed. Anything to get me through til my appointment on Tuesday.  I can’t do this much longer, I need some kind of help to sleep and for the pain and burning that drives me up the wall because once it starts it will not stop for days.

So no playing WoW for me today.  I think I was lucky I managed to stay logged in on Calizari yesterday for 30-45 min. before I gave up and shut it down.  But I did manage to read quite a few great blogs later on throughout that day.  So it wasn’t totally boring for me…I just have to do a little at a time when I am like this.  Maybe that was too much too, I don’t know.  At this point I admit I have no clue why or what is causing the flares to be so regular and to last for so long.

I just hate this.  I have a few days here and there, where I feel good enough that I start thinking I might be able to work again.  Then, I get a rude awakening after days like yesterday and today.  Fibromyalgia is a bitch…and I stick by the idea that if Fibro were a person, they would be long dead.  Somebody would have lost sense of all that they are and would have done Fibro in for sure.  Hell, I would have made it the quickest and cheapest cure in the world….one shot, one kill.  No more pain…for any of us.

Today is looking like it will be a repeat of yesterday…I am sore and the burning is back.  I probably am over doing it now just by typing this out.  Grrr!

I hope tomorrow is better.  I am not missing my appointment for anything…even if hubby takes the day off to get me there.


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